Breakdown
by PaulineMail
Summary: Sequel of An Old Friendship, although it can be read as a seperate story. A seven months pregnant Katniss has to face the dark side of the person living with her.
1. Chapter 1

**I had this idea in mind for a long time but Katniss needed to be farther in her pregnancy and I wanted to keep a certain chronology with my previous stories. So it has been a true relieve for me to write it. I'm really excited about this story and this is my favorite in comparison with the two others. I hope you'll share my point of view.**

**As you'll notice, Katniss and Peeta now know that the baby is a girl. I don't want to write about how and when they discover it. I just needed it to be known by them. So don't be surprised when Katniss refers to the baby as her daughter. **

**Now I shut up and let you read. Don't forget to review please.  
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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

_What time is it ?_ I wonder. I turn my head toward the clock and see 6 am.

"Stop kicking. I want to sleep" I mutter in the direction of my enormous belly.

But I have to face it, my daughter won't let me sleep anymore. So I get up as smoothly as I can and head to the kitchen.

I'm seven months pregnant and I'm huge ! I can't imagine how I'm going to look like in two months. The doctor says everything is normal and that my daughter is in good health. Well, that I know ! She is healthy and really active. She moves, she stretches, she kicks, she plays with my bladder… From my point of view it means that I don't sleep much and I have to use the bathroom too often. Peeta says she is going to be as buoyant as her mother. I'm still wondering if that's a good thing or not.

As I walk through the living room, I understand that Peeta has been awake for a long time. The television is on, the blanket has been used and I'm pretty sure he is baking in the kitchen even though I can't hear a thing. He must have had a nightmare early this morning.

I push the kitchen door open. I was right : there are flour on the counter and the oven is humming. I'm about to open my mouth to say how good it smells when I realize that something is wrong.

Peeta is facing the window in front of him. All I can see his back. However I recognize the signs : his tense shoulders, his red neck and his clutched fists. It can only mean one thing : Peeta has a mental breakdown.

It has been 3 years since he has been tortured and hijacked by the Capitol. And the poison is still working. We have been living together for a year and a half and Peeta has had 5 crisis. Each time, I have managed to bring him back to the reality, to convince him that I'm not a mutt, not a danger for him and that he actually loves me.

I take a deep breath and walk toward him.

"Peeta," I whisper. He doesn't react. Usually it's a good sign if the sound of my voice doesn't send him in a frenzy.

I place my hand on Peeta's shoulder and repeat his name. This time, he looks at me. Without thinking, I take a step back. His eyes seem darker than usual and more than anything, they seem soulless. At that precise moment, I understand that it's going to be hard to bring him back this time.

"Peeta, listen to me," I put as much fervor in my voice as I can. "Your name is Peeta Mellark. Mine is Katniss Everdeen. We were together in the 74th Hunger Games and we survived together."

"Katniss," says Peeta, in a menacing voice. I take another step back and the distance between us remind the same as Peeta takes a step in my direction.

I swallow and continue : "We also survived the Quarter Quell and the revolution. You were captured by the Capitol and they tortured you. They hijacked you to make you believe I'm the enemy."

My back hits the wall and Peeta keeps walking toward me. My words come faster in my mouth : "But I'm not. I'm your enemy. I love you and you love me."

Peeta reaches me, grasps my shoulders, and pushes me violently against the wall. My breath is taking away from me.

"Stop talking," Peeta yells at me. "You're lying. I know you're lying. You killed my family. You killed my friends. And now you want to kill me."

"No Peeta, that's not true. I will never harm you. I love you."

"Stop saying that." Once again, Peeta pushes me against the wall.

"And you love me," I plead. Tears start rolling down my face.

A hard laugh escapes Peeta's lips : "How could I love you ? You're an evil murderer. You are the reason of all the tragedies that have happened in my life. It's your fault if I went into the Hunger Games. Twice. It's your fault I have been tortured."

"Don't say that", I whisper. I can barely see anymore. My eyes are filled with tears. He has never said such things to me. Even when he wasn't himself. Never his words have been so cruel.

"I loathe you, Katniss Everdeen."

A sadistic grin crosses Peeta's face and this time, I'm really frightened. His hands are slowly going up to my throat. I don't want to live that again. I try to free myself, to push him back but he is stronger.

His hands have reached my throat and I know what's coming. However Peeta takes his time. He leans his face toward mine and whispers : "I'm going to kill you and the world is going to be more beautiful without you."

I don't have time to say anything else. His hands clench around my throat and not a word, not a scream can escape from me anymore. Soon my feet don't touch the floor anymore. The seconds seem to drag on.

My thoughts wander to my baby. I'm going to die and my baby with me. _It won't happen !_ I scream in my head. Suddenly I feel my survival instinct waking up. _I can't die. I have to live. For my daughter. _I put myself together and violently lift my knee between Peeta's legs and kick him hard.

He releases his grip and falls on the floor. I also find myself on the floor, trying to catch my breath again. I concentrate on how to exhale and inhale. Every breath hurts and feels good at the same time.

"Katniss ?" My head jumps toward the sound of Peeta's voice and my arms automatically wrap around my womb, protectively.

My eyes find Peeta's and I see pain in them. Not the pain from the harm I have inflicted to him, but the pain from the realization of what he has done.

Without thinking, I extend my arm toward him and I realize that it's shaking. Actually my whole body is shaking. I want him to take my hand, to hold me in his arms, to tell me that it's over. But instead Peeta pushes himself away from me. His eyes travel back and forth between my teary face and my round belly.

"It's okay Peeta, everything's fine," I reassure him. My voice is hoarse and every word hurts me.

"I'm so sorry," Peeta whispers. In a smooth movement, he stands. He stays still for a few seconds, looking at me with sad eyes. I'm convinced he's about to help me stand as well and take me in his arms. Instead my eyes follow him as he runs out of the house.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sadly holidays are over for me now. So I have less time to write and publish new stories even though I have a few ideas in mind. Don't worry, I have already written the end of this one. There are 5 chapters but I'm not totally satisfied with it. I think it's too simple. And so I need your help : what do you think is going to happen ? what twists would you like to read ? Maybe I could add something to the story thanks to your ideas.  
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**Thank you so much for all your nice reviews ! It means so much to me that you liked the first chapter**. **I hope you'll like this new one as well.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

I don't know how long I have been sitting on the floor, my back against the wall. I have lost track of the time. I'm too focused on my breathing and on calming the shaking. I only come back to reality when the oven rings. At the unexpected sound, a scream escapes my mouth. _It's just the oven_, I repeat myself.

I stand and stumble toward the oven. I turn it off and open the door. The smell of cheese rolls invades the whole room and brings new fresh tears in my eyes. I manage to reach a chair and sit on it before I burst into tears. _What's just happened ? How could things have turned so badly ? Where is Peeta ?_

_Where is Peeta ?_ This question echoes in my mind. I have to find him. He must not be alone after what has just happened.

There are only two places where he can be. I eliminate the bakery when I find the keys in the pocket of Peeta's jacket.

I stride toward Haymitch's house and knock hastily at the door.

"Open Haymitch, it's me Katniss," I cry out.

When he opens the door, I instantly know that he knows what has happened and that Peeta is here.

"I want to see him," I say.

"I don't think that's a good idea Sweetheart."

"I couldn't care less of what you think. Let me see him."

I push past him and to my surprise, he doesn't try to stop me. I enter the living room and relief overflows me as soon as I see him.

"You should go home Katniss" says Peeta harshly, without looking at me.

He stands against the opposite wall of the room and I can't stand the distance between us. From the corner of my eye, I see that Haymitch have found a seat and a bottle of beer. I'm vaguely surprised by the weak alcohol he has chosen but right now, I have others priorities.

"I won't go home without you" I answer Peeta.

He doesn't reply. He just signs and looks at Haymitch : "Why have you let her in ? I told you not to."

"This is my house, kid. I let whoever I want in." _Wow Haymitch is on my side. That must be a first._

"It was not your fault," I tell Peeta.

"I tried to kill you," he whispers in answer.

"You weren't yourself."

"I tried to kill you," he repeats fiercely. "Don't make it sounds as if it was nothing."

I take a deep breath and say : "It wasn't nothing. However I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have hurt me. You would have come back before…"

"Look at your neck and tell me again that I wouldn't have hurt you. I already have."

I'm shocked by his coldness. It's as if he was still this other person. Only the desperation in his eyes proves me that he is really himself.

I don't know what to answer to that. So I simply say : "Come back home."

And he simply answers : "No."

"What ?" I ask in a small voice.

"I'm staying here. Haymitch has already said I could."

"You can't stay here."

"I have to."

"You can't," I'm now yelling. "You can't let me alone. I'm freaking pregnant !"

"Exactly, you're pregnant." Peeta's voice stays even. I can tell he has thought it through. "I represent a danger for you and for the baby. I can't live under the same roof than you anymore. I'm going to stay here."

I do my best to choke back tears and fail. At the sign of my tears, some of Peeta's coldness wears off. He takes a small step in my direction but stops himself from going further.

"It won't happen again," I manage to say. "Not any time soon, anyway. There had been 9 months between the last episode and this one. The gap between each becomes more and more important."

"Maybe but it has been the more violent since the end of the war." I was wrong, Peeta's coldness is still as effective. "I can't take the risk."

"I'm with Peeta on that." I'm surprised to hear Haymitch's voice and I ignore it :

"And what about after ? Once I won't be pregnant anymore and that the baby will be born ?"

"I don't know." I can barely hear Peeta's words.

"I'll live alone with her ? Will her daughter know her father ?" My voice is louder and louder as I get angrier. I know it's not fair but I can't help myself. I want him back.

"I don't know," he repeats louder this time. His eyes are filled with tears.

I can't stand the distance between us anymore. I rush toward him. He takes a step back but a wall prevents him to go any farther. I think he tells me to stop but I don't listen to him. I crush into him, my arms around his neck, holding him tight.

First Peeta's body is tense, he doesn't hold me back. I start sobbing and slowly, he relaxes and his arms encircle my waist.

We don't move for several minutes. I take deep breathes to calm my tears. The simple scent of Peeta makes me feel better.

"I love you," I whisper in his ear.

"I love you too," he whispers back. His voice is back to normal. Sweet and tender. Full of love.

_It's over_, I tell myself full of hope. "Come back. Come back to me."

Peeta doesn't answer right away and my hope shatters in pieces. Finally he says : "I can't." And this time, I know his mind is settled. There is nothing I could say or do to make him change his mind.

I slowly release my grip around his neck. My hands slide to each side of his face. I look deep into his eyes and beg : "Don't leave us alone."

Peeta's eyes widen slightly at my use of the same pronoun for me and the baby, then close. It's the first time I have said such a thing. So I guess it's a big step for me and all. Too bad I had to take it in such an awful moment.

"Take the time you need, okay ?" I start. "Think it through, clear your mind. And when it's done, come back. I just wish it won't take you too long. I need you."

A little grin appears on Peeta's face : "Since when I have become so understanding ?"

I laugh, relieved that he is still able to tease me and answer sincerely : "Since I live with you."

My hands are still on his face, his on my waist. I slowly lean in, giving him time to understand what I'm about to do. Finally our lips are touching. It's a short bittersweet kiss. I already miss him.

I pull back and turn my heel. My eyes lock with Haymitch and he nods to me. Yes, he will take care of Peeta while I can't.

Without another word, without another glance, I leave the house.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for all your suggestions. Keep advising me ! Thanks to you, I think I'm going to write at least another chapter to this story. However my schedule at the university is very heavy this year and I can only write on the week-end. So if I go further with this story, you may have to be patient. **

**Anyway here is the third chapter. Hope you like it, despite its slightly lighter tone.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Three<strong>

The first thing I do when I close the door is to look at the clock. 10 o'clock. 10 am ! What am I going to do with my day ? I have stopped hunting a month ago and I'm dying to go back into the woods, but not with my daughter inside me.

I sit on the couch. After at least 20 seconds, my right foot is jiggling unceasingly. _I have to get up and do something, anything,_ I order myself. I decide to clean the house. I start downstairs. Kitchen, living room, hall… One room after another.

3 hours later, I'm done and hungry. So I eat 5 cheese rolls.

I feel a little tired. So I lay down on the couch and sleep. When I wake up from a dreamless nap, only one hour has passed.

I go upstairs and clean it as well. Our bedroom, the two guest rooms and the two bathrooms. And 3 more hours.

I'm hungry again, so I eat 5 others cheese rolls. I take my time, savoring each bites and letting another hour go.

I have sweat all over me from the housework, so I take a shower. Another hour.

I'm tired, so I decide to go to sleep even though it is only 7 pm.

I'm numb. I'm on automatic mode ever since I have left Haymitch's house and Peeta with it. I don't think, I just occupy my time. As I switch off the light on my bedside table, I tell myself that I'll have to do the same tomorrow. _It's the only way._

I'm awaken with a startle. _What was that noise ?_ I'm sure I have heard something downstairs. A crushing sound, I think. But I'm alone, totally alone. I hear another sound. A door closing maybe. I grasp the knife I keep under the mattress - an old habit taken after the first Hunger Games - and tiptoe toward the door. I press my ear against it but don't hear anything else. I open the door slowly, happy that it doesn't creak and head to the stairs.

I'm on the last step when I hear some movement coming from the living room. I reposition the knife in my hand and hold it tight. I take a step into the living room, my back against the wall, ready to attack and kill if necessary.

"Katniss ?"

"Delly ?" She looks at me with wide eyes, a steaming cup in her hand. "What are you doing here ?"

She rushes into the explanation : "Peeta came to see me. He told me you were staying here alone and that he didn't like that. So I offered to keep you company. But when I arrived, you were already asleep. I didn't want to leave you alone in this big house and I decided to sleep on the couch. However I couldn't sleep and I made myself a tea but I broke a cup. I guess that's what woke you. I'm sorry."

I watch her take her breath and simply say : "Oh."

"Katniss, can you put down your knife ?" she asks me, worry in her eyes.

"Yes, sure." I have forgotten about it. I smile to apology and to reassure her.

I put the knife on the coffee table and take a seat on the couch next to Delly. I look at her and ask :

"You know what happened ?"

"Yes, Peeta told me," she nods.

I lie back on the back of the couch and stroke my big belly. The baby has been so still all day. I'm pretty sure she has felt my stress.

"Do you mind my staying here ?" Delly asks.

"No, not at all." For once, I'm in a talkative mood, so I continue : "I have never really lived alone. It's weird for me to be alone here."

"Well, you have when you came back here after the war and before you moved in with Peeta."

"Barely. Maybe three months, but that's all."

"Really ?" Delly is clearly surprised. "I didn't think you have grown back together so quickly."

"We didn't. We started a book on all the people we have known and we wanted to remember."

"You have showed me it once," Delly reminds me.

"Right. So we used to meet to have dinner together and then we would work on the book for hours. I often fell asleep on this couch and Peeta carried me on the guest room. Little by little, I started bringing personal items here, like clothes, toothbrush, books… Until the day I realized that I hadn't set a foot on my house for an entire week. Peeta suggested that I give my house to a family that needed it and that I officially moved in with him. I guess you could say we were roommates."

"And then you two grew back together," completes Delly, smiling. "It's romantic."

I nod, remembering where Peeta is at this precise moment and that bed that seemed too large, empty and cold without him. I haven't slept alone in so long.

As if she could read my thoughts, Delly says : "Don't worry. He'll come back."

I nod, unsure.

"What happened was… a bummer." I smile at Delly's chose of word. "But it's nothing compared to what you two lived through. You'll get through that. I don't worry about that."

I'd like to have her confidence : "You haven't seen him at Haymitch's. He really thinks he represents a danger for me and the baby. What if..." I take a deep breath and let out the words that have been burning inside me all day : "What if he convinces himself that it's better if we don't live together anymore ? What if he thinks that I would be more in security without him ? What if he thinks our daughter would ? We both know he has always placed my security before his happiness, before his life !"

My words are even more frightening once said aloud.

"It won't happen," reply Delly in a matter-of-fact voice.

"You can't know that," I whisper.

"Katniss, even when his memory was telling him you were a mutt, there was still a part of him that remembered how much he loved you, making him confused. I have witnessed it. His will to keep you safe is really strong. However his need to be with you is even stronger. Plus you forget the most important thing."

"Which is ?"

Delly smiles at me and says : "He can't deny you anything. If you want him to come back, he will come back. He is stubborn so yeah, he will fight it off for a few days maybe. But since you are the most stubborn person I have ever met, you're going to win at the end."

I like her logic. She has actually given me hope. Only Delly is capable of such a thing.

"Thank you Delly," I tell her. "For being here."

"You're welcome."


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi everyone ! Happy to see there are so many Delly's lovers. **

**This chapter is from Peeta's point of view (Evesayshiaxx, I wrote this chapter before you suggested one on Peeta's POV but I'm happy we had the same idea). I was nervous to write from his POV and I hope I didn't mess up with him. **

**Please review.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Four<strong>

Katniss is asleep next to me. A faint sunray illuminates our bedroom and allows me to see her peaceful features. My eyes travel down her body and stop on her beautiful round belly. I can't believe there's a baby growing inside her. _Our_ baby. A perfect mix between Katniss and me. I hope our daughter will get her mother's courage, strength and beauty.

Gently I lay my hand on Katniss' womb and slowly stroke it. After a few seconds, I realize a liquid covers my hand. I look at it closely and see that it's blood. I start to panic and try to shake Katniss awake. When she doesn't, I put my bloody hand over her cheek and scream her name. It's at this moment that I see for the first time the red finger marks on her neck. Now I understand that Katniss won't wake up. Ever.

I open my eyes and look around me. Katniss is not next to me in the bed. This is not our bedroom. This is not our house. It's Haymitch's. _A nightmare. It was just another nightmare_, I reassure myself. Only there is a part of truth in them. Katniss had these same marks around her throat three days ago. And I was the one who made them.

I haven't seen her since that day, though she came the next morning. I was about to leave for the bakery when I heard her voice from the kitchen. I stayed at the top of the stairs and eavesdropped. I know it's a childish behavior but the guilt prevented me from seeing her.

"How is he ?" I heard her ask Haymitch.

"He's great. We played poker all night long. Man, this boy can bluff ! Good thing I'm filthy rich."

I could only imagine the deadly glare Katniss gave him. Haymitch chuckled and continued :

"I'm sorry but I usually answer to a stupid question by a stupid answer. How do you think he is, Sweetheart ? He feels really bad. I'm pretty sure he loathes himself for what he did to you."

Katniss sighed heavily and said : "He wasn't himself. It's not his fault."

"I know that. And you know that. But Peeta only sees the aftermath. He only sees that."

I guess Haymitch pointed Katniss' neck with his finger. I didn't hear anything coming from the kitchen for at least a minute.

Finally Katniss says : "Make him see what we both know. I need him to come back. I can't go through that" - her pregnancy I supposed – "without him."

"I know," whispered Haymitch.

"Thanks Haymitch."

The sounds that followed made me think that they were hugging each other. However since it didn't look like any of them, I concluded I misinterpreted it.

I waited a few minutes after the door had closed on Katniss and walked downstairs. Before I left, I heard Haymitch muttered : "Never thought I would have to deal with the tributes' emotional problems as a mentor in the Hunger Games."

Those last three days, I have been working more than necessary. From dawn to sunset, I'm at the bakery. But today is Sunday and in consequence I'm not supposed to work. However I'm not going to spend the day with Haymitch ! He has made an effort to stay as sober as he can those last few days but still… I mean, he's still Haymitch ! And his greeting as I walk into the kitchen proves it !

"Morning Sunshine"

"Morning" I answer back.

I take a seat in front of him, a cup of coffee in my hand. Haymitch is not a morning person. That's one of the things I have learned about him these last three days. However this morning, he seems to be in a talkative mood :

"When do you leave ?"

"That's such a lovely way to start the day," I retort sarcastically.

"Not that I don't like to have you as a roommate. I love not being able to drink whenever I want, to see your sad face all day long…" says Haymitch, sarcasm strong in his voice.

"Why are you complaining ? Your house is clean, you have 3 meals per day and you barely see me."

"I still see you too much." Haymitch takes a sip of some alcohol I don't know and continues : "Okay, I have to admit you are not the worst roomie in the world. The thing is it's Katniss I see way too much. I mean, she comes every morning to ask how you are and then she calls in the afternoon. Plus it's like she always waits for me to start a nap to call. I can't stand it anymore."

"She calls every afternoon ?" I ask surprised. _Why haven't he told me that before ?_

"Yeah and I need to sleep the afternoon. I don't have time for that kind of crap. Yesterday I didn't answer and you know what ? She came here ! Again ! And I'm pretty sure she had murderous thoughts toward me when I explained to her that I didn't answer the phone deliberately. After all, she could choke me to death with her monstrously big belly !"

As always with Haymitch, I ignore 90% of his words to focus on the real information : Katniss is very worried for me. It's not new, obviously I know she worries for me. But she shouldn't. It's better that way, it's safer for her.

I sign and say : "There's not much I can do against that."

"Yes, you could go back at your house. Promise, I'll miss you… Maybe... I'll do my best…"

"I can't," I mutter.

"Of course, you can. It's not complicated. You put one foot before the other. It's called 'walking'"

Since this can go on and on, I cut him : "Haymitch, I'm serious. I can't go back there."

"And why that ?"

"You know why."

"No I don't. So tell me."

"Because I don't want to hurt her," I cry out.

A short laugh escapes Haymitch's mouth, as if I have just said the most stupid thing ever : "You're not going to kill her."

The patronizing tone he uses sends me off : "I almost did three days ago. Remember ? And it wasn't the first time. Plus she's pregnant, which means I would have killed the woman I love _and_ our unborn child ! Who knows how far I'll go next time I lose my mind again ? Maybe next time, I will do what Snow designed me for."

I need to catch my breath because I was shouting. Haymitch waits for me to calm down and asks :

"You done ?"

I nod because I have nothing else to say. I have let out what was in my mind these last days and I feel slightly better.

"Tell me one thing : what are you going to do then ? Are you going to stay here with me ? Are you going to let Katniss have your baby alone ? Are you going to see your daughter only once in a while ? Or maybe are you going to simply reject her ?"

I don't answer, even though I know where this is going. Haymitch nods, satisfied with my non-answer :

"We both know you can't live without her. I'm not saying that I understand ! She can be such a pain in the –"

"Haymitch…" I cut him.

"Yeah anyway, you've got the point. You can't live without her. She can't live without you. You love her. Bla bla bla. The sooner you'll realize what everybody already knows, the sooner we could all go back to our life."

I hate when Haymitch is right.


	5. Chapter 5

**This chapter should have been the last one. However and thanks to your suggestions, I have decided to keep going with this story. I have used JennaGill's idea about a therapy and probably Howlynn's about the trigger of Peeta's breakdown in the next chapter. Oh and 97, I don't know how to integrate Johanna in this story but I have an idea for a new story in which she could be involved. I'll do my best to write the next chapter this week-end.**

**Back to Katniss' POV**

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><p><strong>Chapter Five<strong>

Peeta's bakery is situated at the exact same place his parents' used to be. It was important to him. He said his father would have liked that. There were not much left of the former bakery, but somehow the tree is still here.

I smile each time I see this tree. Technically, the memory related to it is not a good one at all. However I cherish this memory because it has marked the very beginning of my history with Peeta. I sit down, my back against the trunk. I try to remember this day, the girl I was, starving, scared and more than anything hopeless. I shy away from this image and instead concentrate on the other character of this story. The boy with the bread, who saved my life by giving me food and hope again.

I can't believe everything that has happened between this significant episode of my life and right now. The two main characters remain the same, despite the fact that they have radically changed. That's when I look back at the past, at _our_ past, that I know the drama of these last weeks are nothing. I understand that Peeta is upset about it. He really scared me, but I'm even more scared to live my life without him by my side.

I hear footsteps coming in my direction. I look up and see Peeta standing a few feet away from me. Once again, I hate the distance between us.

"I like this tree," I say, smiling at him.

I can see in his eyes that Peeta is thinking back at that precise day.

"You want to know why ?" I ask him. He nods. "It reminds me that life goes on. That some things have survived, even when the odds were against their favor. I'm sure this tree will outlive us all. Nothing can break it."

Peeta smiles at me. I'm so relieved to finally see a smile on his beautiful face.

"And obviously you are only talking about the tree. This is not a metaphor about our current situation."

I fake to be offended : "Obviously ! I'm not you !"

We both laugh. _This goes better than I would have imagined._ My hope gets even higher when Peeta says :

"I missed you."

I'm now serious : "Come home Peeta. I need you."

Peeta closes his eyes and sighs before opening them again. He looks at me intensely, deep in his thoughts. He closes his eyes once again and I know he has taken his decision. I'm nervous because his face doesn't give away anything. When he finally opens his eyes again, I know everything is going to be fine.

"I guess you need me since you can't even get back on your feet right now."

I know I should laugh or even smile but I don't like to admit my weaknesses. And I'm pretty sure I can stand up despite my big big belly. So I reply :

"I'll show you if I can't get back on my feet !"

I try to tuck my legs under me but I can't lift my butt from the floor. So I try a new technique – my hands pushing against the floor – but my body sees to fight against me. I groan in frustration.

I hear Peeta laughs. I look up at him angrily but I can see that he has already composed his features.

He takes the few steps separating us :

"If I say that I believe you can get back on your feet by yourself but that nevertheless I want to help you in an attempt to prove my manhood, will you let me ?"

I know I'm being silly but I like how he presents the situation. _He knows me so well !_ I don't answer, I just raise my hand toward him. When he takes it, my heartbeat races. I've missed everything about him. His presence, his touch, his voice, his peacefulness, his love… Everything ! Never thought I would become so dependent on a person. I guess I don't mind, as long as this person is Peeta.

I finally manage to stand up with Peeta's help. Don't get me wrong, I'm still convinced I could have done it by myself ! But if I had, I wouldn't have found myself that close of Peeta. We are only inches away from each other. I can feel his sweet breath on my face. I've also missed that.

I know Peeta is about to speak but I don't let him. I kiss him because, well I've missed that too. It's not a big passionate kiss but rather a sweet, soft, loving one. And sadly, it doesn't last. Peeta pulls away and puts his hands on each sides of my face – to keep me from kissing him again I think, which was my initial plan.

"Katniss, there are a few things I need to say. First, I'm so sorry for what happened."

I'm about to object, to repeat him it was not his fault but Peeta doesn't let me say a word.

"If I don't apology to you, I'll see myself as an abusive man. Which I'm not. I can't hurt you – consciously or not – and then simply walk away from it. Ever since our first Hunger Games, my goal in life is to protect you. It kills me to admit that I also have to protect you from myself but I have. In consequence, I want you to promise me one thing."

His blue eyes are so intense on mine that I know this is what he needs to say in order to come back home with me.

"I want you to promise me that next time I lose the sense of reality, you won't try to bring me back. You will go and find Haymitch. He'll help me."

I want to tell him that Haymitch won't be able to help him, that I'm the only one who can because I'm the catalyst but also the remedy. Instead, I simply nod and smile at him.

At first, Peeta frowns, trying to determine if I have really accepted his condition or if I'm lying. After a few seconds, he smiles back at me and I suppress a relief sign. He drops his hands from my face and take my right hand in his. Thinking that his speech is done, I try to kiss him again but Peeta pulls away again :

"One more thing : I need help from a professional. I need to try something in hope that I won't lose control again. I'm going to call Dr Aurelius and start a therapy all over again."

All I want is for him to come back home. I'll agree with anything if it means to have him back. I brush Peeta's cheek with my fingers and look deep into his blue eyes :

"If that's what you need…"

He leans his lips near mine but doesn't kiss me.

"Let's go home," he whispers between my parted lips.

"Let's," I answer before reaching for his lips.

As I kiss Peeta, I promise myself something : if Peeta can calm me down after my worst nightmares at night and make me believe that our future will even be brighter than our present, then I have to do anything to help him, even if that means bringing him back from his awaken nightmares. After all, our goals in life aren't very different: Peeta's is to protect me, even if it's from himself ; mine is to protect him, even if it's from himself.


	6. Chapter 6

**To answer 97's question, you won't see the birth in this story but I have an idea for an one-shot about it. And you can suggest me ideas for their daughter's name. I was thinking maybe Lily Rose Mellark. What do you think ? **

**Once again, thank you so much for your support. Please don't stop reviewing ! I'm so addicted to it !  
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**I don't exactly know when I will write the next chapter. I don't have much time during the week so it probably won't be before next weekend. **

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><p><strong>Chapter Six<strong>

It has been 3 days since Dr Aurelius is in District 12 and I'm not convinced at all. Every day Peeta goes to see him after the closing of the bakery. Every day he comes home late, exhausted and in a gloomy mood. Every day I ask him how it went and every day he answers that they simply talked. I can't see how it helps Peeta. He doesn't seem to feel any better, on the contrary. I have never had a high opinion on Dr Aurelius. After all, all he did during our "session" after Prim's death was to sleep. For a long time, I thought that he knew I wouldn't talk anyway. But now, I wonder if he knows what he's doing at all.

And so, I have decided to go and see him. Since I'm not sure if Peeta would approve or not, I have also decided not to tell him.

Peeta is not the only reason why Dr Aurelius has come in District 12. He is also here to teach psychology to the new doctors. Therefore I ask the receptionist of the hospital if I can see him. She answers me that he has a class right now but he should be available in 10 minutes.

I'm trying to prepare a little speech in my head when I hear someone say : "Ms Everdeen ?"

I look up and see Dr Aurelius. I haven't seen him in almost 4 years but he hasn't changed at all. I stand up and shake his hand :

"I'm sorry, I know I don't have an appointment or anything but I'd like to talk to you. Is that possible ?"

The doctor smiles and replies : "Of course. Please follow me."

He leads me into a little room and gestures a couch at me to sit in. Before I can even open my mouth, Dr Aurelius says :

"I'm happy to see you again Katniss. And congratulation for the baby."

"Oh thanks."

"So what can I do for you ?" he asks me after a few seconds of silence.

"I worry for Peeta."

"Obviously you are."

"I want to know what you talk about with him."

"I can't tell you that. Confidentiality."

I knew he was going to say that but still it gets on my nerves.

"Listen Doctor, I don't think Peeta has made any progress. He is still very distant because he is afraid to lose it again and hurt the baby and me. So if you can't help him, just admit it and stop making us lose our time."

To my surprise, Dr Aurelius smiles : "You haven't changed, have you ?"

I just glare at him angrily and finally his smile drops. He sighs and says :

"You're right. I can't help him. It's not useful for him to talk to me about what they did to him in the Capitol."

"Then you are making us lose our time and Peeta's energy."

I'm about to stand up but Aurelius says the sentence I wanted to hear :

"I can't help him but you can."

I knew it : "Because I'm the trigger of the crisis."

"You are not the trigger but the main focus of the crisis."

"What can I do ?"

"Well I have a theory. Of course I have never tried anything like that, simply because Peeta is the only known person to have been hijacked with tracker jacker venom. In consequence I'm not sure it's going to work."

"What can I do ?" I repeat forcefully.

Aurelius stares at me for almost 20 seconds, as if to gauge my determination. Finally he explains :

"He needs to integrate you in the memories created by the venom. In his normal state, Peeta knows who you really are. By the way, you have had an excellent idea with the book. It has helped him more than anything else could have."

He refers to the book with the memories all of the people we have known. I have no doubt it has helped Peeta because it has helped me as well.

"So this part of him doesn't need any help. It's the hijacked part of Peeta that has to be treated."

I nod because I understand his reasoning but I don't see where it leads us. Aurelius continues :

"The problem is, I can only talk to the sane part of Peeta. I don't have access to the other."

He looks at me intensely to see if I get his point but I don't :

"I understand but you can't wait until Peeta has another breakdown. The lapse between the two last ones was very long."

"Exactly, I can't wait."

He emphasizes his last words and now it becomes clear :

"You want to provoke an episode ?"

The smile he gives me makes me feel like a child that has finally understood the simplest lesson. But I'm too surprised by his intentions to care.

"How are you going to do that ? You know what triggers it ?"

"Yes. Peeta told me that just before the last one, he was thinking about you when he cut himself with a knife. I have come to the conclusion that it's the combination of your image and a vision of violence or pain that brings back the fake memories."

Dr Aurelius seems really proud of his analysis and I have to admit I'm impressed. In 3 days, he has found out the reason of Peeta's breakdown and has come with a plan to treat him. The black spot is obviously that we can't know if that's actually going to work but it's worth a try.

My voice is full of hope when I ask : "When do we try ?"

"Katniss, you need to be aware of the risks. By provoking an episode, we will awake the part of Peeta who wants to kill you."

"I don't care about that."

"You should care. You are pregnant."

A wave of shame hits me. I'm pregnant. I will not only endanger my life but also and more importantly my daughter's life. That's what happens when I don't have Peeta by my side. I become totally selfish and make the wrong choice. _So I need Peeta. But without the threat of another breakdown._ My mind is set when I say with conviction :

"We need to do that. You'll be here to protect me. And I could ask Haymitch too."

Aurelius thinks about that for a moment and then declares :

"I'll come to dinner tomorrow. Peeta has already offered me to. You explain everything to Haymitch and invite him as well. We'll give it a try."

"That sounds like a plan," I smile at him.

"Now you should leave. Peeta will be here soon and he can't know about any of this."

Aurelius offers me his hand to help me stand up from the couch. Once I'm on my feet, he stills holds my hand when he adds :

"I can't guaranty you anything, Katniss."

"I know."

I shake his hand and leave. Next stop : Haymitch's house.


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm happy that you like the name Lily for their daughter. I think I'm going to keep it, without Rose as a middle name. As Brittianyshay said, it would remind too much of President Snow and his obsession for roses. I didn't think about that when I came up with the name. So Lily Mellark it would be.**

**Thanks to all of you who are reading, even if you don't review. Though I like you better if you do review.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Seven<strong>

I'm so nervous. _What if it doesn't work ? What if the episode is even more violent than the last one ? What if someone gets hurt ? What if…_

"Are you alright ?"

Peeta's question brings me back to reality. We are in the kitchen, preparing dinner together. Haymitch is already here, drinking a soda – I have warned him yesterday : no alcohol tonight. Dr Aurelius should be here in a minute.

"Yes I'm fine. It's just going to be weird to see Aurelius again, that's all," I lie to Peeta.

"Maybe it was a bad idea. I should have asked you before visiting him."

Great, I have tried to reassure him but I have only caused to make him feel guilty.

"No, no it's going to be fine. I'm just worried because your roast is burning."

This time, I'm not lying. I can see through the oven's plane that the color of the rabbit roast is a little too dark. I silently thank the dead rabbit because Peeta is now busy taking it out of the oven, instead of watching me too closing.

I've never been good with acting. I didn't fool of Panem with the fake star-crossed lovers, Peeta did. So how could I fool the person who knows me the best ? My fears are confirmed when I see Haymitch mouth "relax" to me behind Peeta's back.

The door bell is heard and Peeta goes to welcome Dr Aurelius. As soon as we are left alone, Haymitch tells him :

"You need to relax Sweetheart or you are going to screw everything."

I'm about to retort something spiteful when I realize that Haymitch is just as worried about tonight's plan as I am. He can play the stupid-drunk-old-guy-who-doesn't-care-about-anyone-or-anything all he wants, I know better than that. He cares about Peeta. I can see it in his eyes.

So instead of "screw you, I'm not going to screw anything" – which I have to admit, it's not very insightful - I say :

"Don't worry, it's going to be fine. You know what you have to do, right ?

"Yeah, that's why I'm drinking a damn soda," he mutters.

Haymitch follows me into the living room to greet Aurelius.

"I'm happy to see you again Katniss. And congratulation for the baby."

_I can't believe he is repeating the exact same thing he told me yesterday at the hospital !_

"Thank you Dr Aurelius. It's also a pleasure to see you again. How do you find District 12 ?"

And that's how the evening starts. I'm being overly amiable to Aurelius and Haymitch is being overly quiet. However Peeta doesn't seem to be too puzzled by our strange behavior. We talk, laugh and eat. Everything is totally normal until Aurelius gives me a look that says "Let's do it." I gently kick Haymitch's leg under the table. He doesn't look at me but I can see him nod.

Everybody has a role to play. Aurelius is sitting in front of Peeta, Haymitch at his left side and I am in front of Haymitch. The doctor asks him :

"How long have you been living with Katniss ?"

Peeta looks at me with loving eyes and I force a smile on my lips.

"Almost three years now."

Peeta starts explaining how I came to live with him because it was easier to live together as roommates than to face a big lonely house every day. I don't listen because I'm focusing on Haymitch who has grasped a knife and is faking to play with it. Slowly his hand is getting nearer and nearer to Peeta's left hand. Suddenly the knife seems to slip from his grasp and its point grazes the side of Peeta's little finger.

Peeta jerks his hand from the table and holds it with his right hand.

"Damn it Haymitch ! Can't you be careful from time to time ?"

"I'm sorry, I guess I have drank too much."

"You think ?" Peeta asks sarcastically.

He opens his right hand and I can see that his little finger is bleeding.

"You should clean the wound," I tell him.

Peeta slowly looks up at me. His face is expressionless as he stares at me. I wait for the signs that are going to tell me that my Peeta has been replaced by the man who wants me dead. However I don't see them. Yes, the way he's staring at me is a bit too intense but it could be caused by the pain.

"Are you alright Peeta ?" asks Dr Aurelius, his tone careful.

Peeta's eyes finally leave my face :

"Yes, I'm fine. Katniss is right, I should clean it."

At these words, Peeta stands up and leaves the living room for the kitchen. The silence lingers around the table until Haymitch breaks it up :

"Well Doc, seems like you were wrong."

"I'm not sure of that," answers Aurelius. "Have you seen the way he was looking at Katniss ?"

I sigh : "No, it didn't work. If it had, Peeta would have attacked me. Maybe he has had a flashback or a moment of uncertainty, but he is still himself."

After a few minutes, Peeta comes back, bringing the cake. His little finger is wrapped in a white bandage.

"How's your finger ?" I ask him.

"It's just a superficial wound. But I think next time we should give Haymitch a plastic knife."

We all laugh at his joke. Now it's clear that the plan hasn't worked. I'm both disappointed and relieved. Disappointed because we still don't know how to treat Peeta. Relieved because I was not ready to see his dark side again.

Desert goes just fine, as if nothing has happened. Haymitch is now allowed to drink since he won't have to protect me after all. The bottle of wine that only Peeta and Aurelius have been drinking is empty after a few minutes and I have to go take a new one in the kitchen.

I open it and I'm about to go back to the living room when I hear the door open. It's Peeta, his hands full of the empty plates.

"It's our last bottle of wine. We will have to buy new ones," I tell him.

"I'll do it tomorrow," he replies while putting the plates into the sink.

At that moment, I realize I'm more relieved than disappointed after all. It would have been so hard to have to face another episode so soon after the last one. I'm closing the distance between us with the intention to hug him when my eyes look down at the sink and at Peeta's hand holding tightly a knife.

Before I can scream Haymitch's name, Peeta's left hand is covering my mouth.

"Hush ! You don't want me to kill them too, do you ? So be quiet."

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><p><strong>I know, I'm evil to end on a cliffhanger…<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**I enjoyed reading your reviews so much ! It reminded me of my hate for the screenwriters at the end of most episodes of Lost (I'm not comparing myself with Damon Lindelof or Carlton Cuse at all, I assure you). **

**I haven't been as mean as make you wait a week for the next chapter and it is even the longest chapter I have ever written. I thought you wouldn't mind, right ? And this time, I haven't ended it on a cliffhanger. Or maybe I have. I don't remember. Read and find out. **

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><p><strong>Chapter Eight<strong>

"Here what we're going to do," Peeta whispers. "I'm going to take my hand off your mouth and you are not going to scream. Do we agree on that ?"

I nod and Peeta's left hand slowly slips off of my face. His right hand is pressed against my back and I can feel the knife stuck between his palm and my shirt.

"Good girl," Peeta says, with a frightening smile. "Now you're going to do exactly what I tell you or you will die very, very slowly. I'm not going to lie to you, you're going to die anyway but I can make it more or less painful."

"Peeta, please listen to me," I start.

At the sound of my voice, Peeta's jaw tightens. His right hand leaves my back to place the tip of the knife on my lips :

"I don't want to hear you !"

Peeta glares at me to see if I'm going to open my mouth again. When I don't, he continues :

"Here's the plan : we are going to go back in the living room and end this damn dinner. Once our guests have left, you and I will have a little conversation."

I'm about to nod when Peeta's eyes look behind me and in a strained voice, he says :

"Change of plan."

In a swift movement, Peeta turns my body around. My back is pressed against his torso and the knife is placed against my throat. I can now see the reason of his change of attitude. Haymitch stands at the kitchen's door. His eyes are wary when he says :

"Peeta, can you please let go of Katniss ?"

"Don't come any closer," is Peeta's answer.

"I'm not going to move… if you let go of Katniss."

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"In that case," Haymitch says before taking a step in our direction.

I feel the knife pressing harder against my throat.

"Why are you trying to protect her ?" yells Peeta. "She murdered dozens of people !"

Haymitch signs : "I know you believe that. But it's not true. And even if it was, would you be ready to kill a _pregnant_ woman ?"

The pressure of the knife against my skin loosens a little.

"What ?" Peeta's voice breaks.

"Katniss is pregnant. Look by yourself."

My eyes connect with Haymitch's and I understand what he is doing. Slowly Peeta lowers his hand holding the knife and looks down at me. I jump at the chance and violently elbow Peeta in the stomach. As soon as I hear him gasp, I flee toward the door while Haymitch and Dr Aurelius – who was standing behind the door the whole time – rush and grasp Peeta's arms. He wasn't expecting such an attack and Haymitch manages to take the knife from him easily.

"Get the hell off me !" Peeta cries while trying to free himself.

"And now Doc ?" asks Haymitch. "What are we doing with him ?"

"We need to tie him to something, I guess."

That was part of Aurelius' plan. Well, not the fact that Peeta would hide his episode and get close to kill me. But the fact that we would have to tie him to a chair in order to talk to him without risking anyone's life. And so, Haymitch and Aurelius drag him to the living where I pull a chair and go get the rope I have prepared. Once Peeta is tightly tied to the chair and after a series of insults that I had never heard in Peeta's mouth before, I try to catch my breath on the sofa.

I feel exhausted. The adrenaline has left my body and only now I realize how close it has been. I can hear Aurelius talking to Peeta behind me. I know he has come up with different methods he wants to try on him but right now, I need a minute to calm down. I'm shaking and I have to prepare myself to face Peeta in this state.

"Are you ok ?" Haymitch asks me, sitting next to me on the couch.

"I'm fine," I say, trying to convince him and myself at the same time.

"I'm sorry Katniss. I should have seen that something was wrong."

His words surprise me : "I didn't see it so how could you ? He fooled us all. You don't have to feel guilty."

"It's just that it was my role to protect you today and I have failed. Once again."

I have never seen Haymitch like that. So… sentimental. Without even thinking about it, I move closer to him and hug him.

"You haven't failed me. I'm fine. And I don't only talk about tonight."

We hug each other for a few seconds before Haymitch says :

"It's not very practical with your enormous belly. I can barely reach your back with my hands !"

"Oh shut up, Haymitch" I laugh, kind of relieved that he is back to his old self.

Haymitch stands up, turns his back to me and starts walking. I'm trying to stand up as well when a sudden sharp pain runs through my body and forces me to sit back. It only lasts a few seconds and when it has faded, it's as if nothing has happened. I try not to think about it. I have more important things to do right now.

I slowly stand up and this time nothing happens.

"Katniss, we need your help over here," Aurelius calls me.

I walk toward him and he comes to meet me halfway.

"Have you prepared what I asked you ?" he whispers.

"Of course."

Aurelius' theory to cure Peeta definitely is to remind him of a recent memory of us together. He needs to come back by _himself_, to realize by _himself_ that I'm not the enemy. All I can do to help him is to tell him something about us. I have chosen the perfect memory and I even have photos to show him. My mother offered me a camera last year for me to send her pictures of me and that day we took many photos simply because we were in the mood to.

I'm brought back to reality by Peeta's voice :

"Yeah right ! I would never sleep with _her_. It's Gale's !"

I close my eyes, take a deep breath and try to erase those words from my mind for ever. When I open my eyes again, Aurelius gives me a reassuring look. I step into the room. Haymitch is seat in a chair in front of Peeta's. He gets up, defeated all over his face.

"Your turn," he tells me as I take his seat.

Peeta glares at me :

"So I guess it's your turn to tell me a bunch of crap."

"I guess so," I reply while scattering almost one hundred photos of us taken that day. I take another deep breath, fix my eyes deep into his and start my tale : "it was 7 months ago. A Sunday. The weather was really nice. You said we should go picnic and I told you that I had the perfect place for that. I took you to the lake. On the way, I explained to you how important this place was for me. That it was where the memory of my father was the strongest. You said it meant a lot to you that I had decided to take you there. We spent the entire day there. We swam. Well _I_ swam and _you _drowned. I made fun of you and your 'swimming techniques'," I smile at the memory and at the same time I feel tears rolling down my cheeks. "You told me a lot of funny stories about your brothers. We ate the sandwiches you had made. We made love on the little sand beach. And now that I think about it, it's probably where our daughter has been conceived. After, I told you for the first time how I felt when you were held captive by the Capitol. How I realized that I needed you in my life. You asked me if I was still opposed to marriage and I answered no. I thought you were going to propose me but you simply said –"

"It's good to know," Peeta finishes my sentence.

My eyes are so full of tears that I have to blink to see his face clearly. He is looking at the photos, frowning :

"I remember," he whispers. "I was so happy when you said no."

He looks up at me, confused :

"How is that possible ?"

Dr Aurelius answers his question :

"You have two kinds of the memories in your head right now, don't you ? On one side, you have the ones that tell you that Katniss is a mutt, created to destroy you. On the other side, you remember loving her and being happy with her. Now Peeta, think about it. Think hard and tell me which memories are true."

I can't take my eyes off Peeta's face. He is not looking at me, or at Aurelius. He is staring at his lap, deep in thought. _He is coming back to me ! He sees the truth, even in the middle of the craziness the Capitol put into his mind ! It was the last episode ! The last one !_

I'm so frantic that I barely notice the ache in my stomach. At first. Rapidly it spreads through my whole body. Unconsciously I press my hand above my belly button. I try to ignore it, to focus on Peeta but the intensity is growing. My breathing is speeding and I can barely hear Peeta says :

"I remember that you didn't kill my family. I remember that I love you."

Before I can even realize that Peeta is truly back, I hear myself scream in pain.

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><p><strong>Go ahead and hate me !<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**I have never been pregnant and all I have learned about pregnancy, I get it from websites and clichés in movies. So I may have said stupid things in this chapter. Hope none of you is doctor !**

**I should have told you before chapter eight but this is the last chapter. I have no idea how to carry on the storyline and anyway I'm pretty satisfied with the ending. Like I have already told you, I have other ideas in mind. At least one for an one-shot and one for a longer story. So if you want to keep reading my stories, add me to your author alerts. **

**Before I let you read this last chapter, I want to thank all of you once again. You have been wonderful, so supportive. I can't thank you enough. **

**I hope to see you again soon.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Nine<strong>

The pain is excruciating. It paralyzes my body and annihilates my senses. I hear voices but I can't understand the meaning of what they're saying. Slowly, as the pain diminishes, I manage to concentrate enough to make out Peeta's voice, pleading :

"Untie me. I'm not going to hurt her."

Suddenly I'm lifted from my chair.

"Haymitch ?" I murmur when I see he is the one carrying me.

"Don't worry Sweetheart, I've got you."

When he lays me on the couch, my senses are back and the pain is leaving my body progressively. I feel now more exhausting than ever.

"Where is Peeta ?" I ask faintly.

"I'm here" I hear him say before kneeling in front of me. His hand brushes my cheek.

"How do you feel ?"

His lips form a sad smile : "I should be the one asking that. Don't worry about me, I'm back."

His two last words make me forget all the craziness of the evening and allow me to close my eyes and fall asleep.

When I wake up, I have no idea where I am. The ceiling is too white to be our bedroom's. I turn my head to the right and see Peeta asleep on a chair. I turn to the left and find Haymitch looking at me. My eyes must be expressing my confusion because he explains to me :

"You are at the hospital. You fell asleep on the couch and we brought you here. The doctors took blood samples and did a scan. Don't worry, the baby is fine."

"Then what happened to me ?"

"We don't know yet. Dr Grant said we have to wait for the results of the blood samples."

I have so many questions :

"How long have I been asleep ?"

"Maybe four hours. They didn't want you to wake up during the scan and so they gave you some sedative."

"How is he ?" I ask, looking back at Peeta.

"He is freaking out. He thinks it's his fault that you're here. But I guess it's a good sign if he worries for you. That means he is back to his old self."

I nod. Obviously Peeta believes it's his fault. And frankly, I don't know what to think about it. However I know that it doesn't matter if at the end our daughter is fine and Peeta's breakdowns are over once for all.

Ten minutes later, Peeta wakes up and Haymitch excuses himself. We are left alone, me lying on the hospital bed and Peeta sitting in his chair. The silence is awkward and the distance too much. Tears start rolling down my cheeks without my authorization. Peeta rushes off his chair and takes me into his arms.

"I'm sorry," he whispers in my ear. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't," I weep. "I'm not crying because of you. I'm the one responsible for what happened. I'm the one who went to see Aurelius."

I hear Peeta laughs faintly : "True and I'm supposed to be angry at you for that." He pulls away a little to look into my eyes : "Then why are you crying ?"

"Because I'm scared, Peeta. For our daughter."

"You're going to be fine. Both of you," he tries to reassure me but his eyes show his true thought : he is as terrified as I am.

Peeta leans toward me and connects our lips. The kiss is slow at first, a peck followed by another. Gradually it becomes deeper, more passionate. My hands find his hair while his secure my face. Our tongues start to move together, to dance together.

That's when Haymitch decides to come back.

"You two know that you can't make another baby if she still has the first one inside ?"

Peeta has pulled away but his eyes have never left mine. He gives me a reassuring smile and says :

"Everything's going to be fine."

He takes his seat back on the chair as Dr Grant enters the room.

"Hello Ms Everdeen. How do you feel ?"

"Still a little tired but apart from that, I feel fine."

"Good. Let's start with the beginning : you are in your 29th week. You had contractions earlier and that was alarming. Luckily you have been brought here before the labor starts.

"I was in labor ?" I cry out.

"No but you were close to. We gave you antispasmodic treatment and it has stopped the contractions. You can't have the baby before the 37th week. We don't have the necessary equipment here to take care of a premature baby. So you have to do what I tell you. You have to rest !"

Usually I would be annoyed by her tone but right now, I just don't care. I took risks and I endangered my baby's safety. I deserve to be lectured.

"For the next two months, you are going to do nothing but rest. You won't leave your house, you won't clean up, you won't even get up to look for the remote of the tv. Do we agree ?"

"Yes, we do," I answer.

"I'll make sure of that," adds Peeta.

"Good. And to start with, you're going to stay 3 days in observation here."

"Oh no please," I plead. "Let me go home. I swear I won't lift a finger."

Grant shakes her head : "Sorry, we need to make sure there's no complication."

She leaves the room before I can object again.

"It's for your good, Katniss," Peeta tells me.

"I know," I groan.

"Well, if no baby is expecting for tonight, I'm going to visit my bed," says Haymitch.

He is about to leave the room when I call after him :

"Haymitch ?"

"Yep," he says, looking back at me.

"Thank you."

He nods, a little smile on his lips : "No problem."

When we are alone, Peeta asks me :

"Do you want to sleep ?"

"Not really."

"Good, because we need to talk about what happened."

"Peeta-" I start but he doesn't let me finish.

"You shouldn't have done that. It was stupid and risky. I almost killed you. Again."

"And what was I supposed to do ? Wait for the next episode ? Watch you struggle with the flashbacks ? Be totally useless ? I'm not that kind of person."

"I know," Peeta sighs. "But still, you shouldn't have done that in your condition. Not when you're pregnant !"

"I had to do something ! What if it has worked ?"

"It isn't worth it," Peeta yells.

"Well, I disagree on that. I'm fine. The baby is fine. And you may be free from the hijacking. For me, it's worth it. You're worth it."

Peeta comes to sit on the edge of my bed. His hand plays with a lock of my hair while he whispers :

"You need to take care of yourself."

"That's what I do. I'm going to spend two damn months in a bed because I take care of myself !"

Peeta laughs at my horror at the sight of the next months to come. I continue :

"What I did was purely selfish. I'm scared to death when I think about this baby. I can't do that alone. I _need_ you. And not just half of you. I need 100% of you."

He doesn't answer. It's obvious that he is still mad at me. So I try another approach :

"Imagine that the situation was the other way around. Imagine that I was the one who had been hijacked and who was still suffering from that 4 years later. Imagine that you were the one who had to witness it every time I lose my mind. I don't think you would let me deal with it alone. I think you would do anything to help me."

"In your alternate reality," asks Peeta seriously, "would I be pregnant with our first child ?"

"Yes," I answer in his same serious tone.

"In that case, I wouldn't have put myself and the baby in such a dangerous situation."

"We both know you would have. That's what we do. We protect each other, at any price."

Peeta sighs in defeat : "Fine. But promise me you will take it slow for the next months."

"I promise," I smile, happy to have won this little fight.

And I keep my promise. I spend three days at the hospital. Peeta only works every two days now, to keep an eye on me. And when he works, there's always someone with me – Haymitch, Delly or Greasy Sae. I do absolutely nothing. I don't clean the house, I don't cook, I don't garden. If I was listening to Peeta, I wouldn't even walk from my bed to the sofa – he would carry me around.

I try not to complain too much. I have a very good reason for bearing that. The last tests show that our daughter is perfectly healthy. I don't have other contractions and Dr Grant thinks I will carry the baby to term.

As for Peeta, he hasn't had a new episode and the nightmares are even rare. It makes me believe that our little experience wasn't for nothing. However there's no way to be sure. We'll see what the future holds.


	10. Author Note

**Hi !**

**Just a little note to let you know that I have published a sequel of "Breakdown" in which Katniss gives birth to her baby. If you are interested in reading it, go on my profile page and the title is "Lily".**

**Hope to see you there and to read your review.**

**Pauline**


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